Do you think a lot of sociopaths' parents kill themselves for having brought such disgusting evil into the world? How much shame and disgust must they carry?

They deny and project.

But the truth is if they speak of it, they’ll cry, and when a sociopath cries, it’s really bottomless and brutal and as if they’ll never stop crying.

Yet, I will find myself praying all the time, “Stay strong, sister. Don’t commit suicide. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Please don’t do it.”

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Frankly, we should all be pretty ashamed about it, I think, and I personally am. But sociopaths and narcissists do not typically give a 🐀 🍑 about what I think. 🤷‍♀️

Pain is energy, and energy cannot be created or destroyed. You either heal it, or you give it to someone else. And sociopaths can’t heal it.

That’s how my sister and I both got our disorders…good ol’ generational trauma.

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Even knowing who my father is now (sociopaths keep many secrets, and it took me some time to discover them), my father’s attempted suicide STILL hurts me to this day. It traumatized me and my sister both horrifically. It still haunts me. I dream about it. It’s truly Hell on Earth.

We all bear some denial and responsibility about this problem.

But we just pretend it’s rare and don’t fund it or talk about it because…guess what disorder our politicians in both parties frequently have that we are brainwashed by and trauma bonded to? 🤔🤔🤔

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If you’d ask them about me, they’d say what they always said about me as the scapegoat: “She’s a liar! She’s crazy! She’s delusional! She’s the WORST!”

You’re making the mistake of believing that those with ASPD can come from perfectly “normal” (as if there is such a thing, but I digress…) loving families. You’re also making the mistake of assuming all people can process or feel shame.

People with ASPD come from parents with ASPD. Their parents may not have been caught or they’re well masked, but, TRUST AND BELIEVE, they’re sociopaths too. At least one of them is.

My marriage is fixed. My future husband repeatedly calls me to meet me in private and pressure me to have a relationship. What should I do?

They’re so awful that even the sociopath must deny it and never speak of it. It’s like it has a muzzle on them.

If you were to ask my two sociopath parents if they’re ashamed and disgusted for what they created in my sister, they’d look at you like you sprouted a third head.

If we’re serious about mental health awareness and suicide prevention, and I wish we would be, then we also need to look at reality and nuance and not have split thinking: narcissists are in the group of mental disorders very vulnerable to suicide.

Why am I sweating so much at night even though my room is really cold?

I unmasked my sister, and our relationship is barely existent—no contact except for emails on holidays. She’s one of the only sociopaths I knowingly don’t fully cut ties with. The bridge was burned with my parents long ago.

Yes.

And many people say, “good riddance.”

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NO!

My first love was a sociopath who committed suicide as a teenager. My dad attempted it and nearly succeeded. I’ve seen my mom and sister suicidal in collapse as well. I have also attempted it several times. I think about it pretty frequently, even as I’ve healed a lot. This world really breaks my heart. I have a sardonic humor often about this topic just because it’s so extraordinarily painful and horrifying that it’s the only way I can cope with it.

Yet they believe they’re PERFECT. Without any flaw. Superior even.

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They accuse their scapegoats of what they’re guilty of and then mask with their identity.

I’ve seen it often and they’ve often confided in me. For better or for worse (it’s for worse), sociopaths are who I’ve loved most in this life. If you want to understand a sociopath, never listen to a sociopath—just find an empath, because we hold all the pain they can’t discuss or carry, and we’ve also been extremely abused and traumatized by them to the point of near death.

And most studies on ASPD show that it’s not even rare: it’s the second most common disorder next to general depression, and it’s the least funded for research or treatment. Yet it’s responsible for everything from racism to rape culture to war to mass shootings. (Slave owners or Christians slaughtering natives or Nazis, for example, weren’t mentally healthy, empathetic people).

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So, I’d argue that to wish suicide or death on anyone rather than to seek to understand trauma and mental health is to wish harm on innocent people, and it’s not only lacking in empathy, but it perpetuates the cycle of generational trauma even further and keeps our culture suffering and sick. It puts everyone at risk for harm.

(The truth about Casey Marie Anthony is that yes, she killed her golden child daughter, Caylee Marie Anthony, and she was also golden child to her mom, Cindy Marie Anthony, AND her stories about horrific abuse and incest at the hand of her dad as a child were ALSO true. That’s how sociopaths are made. That wasn’t a “normal,” happy family she came from).

But not because they’re sitting around ashamed about their kids.

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Public humiliation and unmasking are what they fear most.

And why did she say, How dare he? Where was her empathy? And why did she care that a man that she always hated stayed alive?

They don’t care about my sister, for one. They discarded us both emotionally by the time we were about four or five.

How exactly do things get smuggled into prison? Does the sender hide it inside something else very well? Does someone put it in their butt? Do the prisoners make deals with the officers?

LIKE…EVER.

They may not tell you that. A sociopath will either say their parents were total demons or full saints, all good or all bad. Some sociopaths won’t tell you their full child traumas because they’re SO shameful, like incest.

Sociopathy and narcissism both affect men at much higher rates than women. And BPD is 4x as prevalent in women as men. This is due to patriarchy: males are more valued culturally, so they’re more likely to be golden childed, by parents of either gender, whereas girls are more likely to be scapegoated or invisible, to have no value to the parents at birth.

I think a lot of people are afraid of it and afraid of confronting reality.

But I’ll tell you why I can’t go fully no contact on her: because I can’t stand the idea of her collapsing and maybe committing suicide.

I won’t be able to NOT do it.

Do the sociopath parents sit around in shame and disgust at what they created?

And this is why 75% of successful suicides are men who have never been diagnosed and never sought treatment.

Murderous is what became of the brother of the sociopath I loved as a teen who killed himself. He went to prison at 17 years old for bashing a person’s head in with a tire iron on the anniversary of his brother’s suicide. That person survived, but he’s permanently mentally handicapped.

It’s the TOTAL betrayal and emotional abandonment of BOTH parents after being golden childed that creates the extreme trauma response of sociopathy.

Now…do socipaths often commit suicide?

If my sister or one of them were ever outed for their crimes, some of the other sociopaths in the family would likely rally to their side. They tend to come together to defend each other from shame, but that’s about it.

Because…

I won’t survive THAT kind of heartbreak. I just won’t.

But are they ashamed?

I KNOW my sister is a huge suicide risk. I also know she’s dangerous and abusive (as she’s been to me), and I also know the little wounded girl inside her that I grew up with in a war zone.

I get it now, after much processing of my family and their grief.

What we carry at our core is unprocessed despair from our childhood.

Because she knew that if he died, it’s in part because of the shame of what he did to her, and then SHE would have to carry that shame of his suicide, and they can’t process shame—they have to project it.

They don’t have shame. That’s a part of the disorder. Shame avoidance.

They don’t feel empathy for others, secondly.

I pondered that for years, Why would his blood be on HER hands?

It’s like they hate themselves and all of humanity and have a genocidal death wish and survive in extreme denial and lack shame…

In my experiences trauma bonding, including in my own family as the scapegoat with BPD, a family with only one ASPD parent usually produces a narcissist, whereas sociopaths come from families with two ASPD parents.

If it were REALLY bad, like, say, Casey Anthony level bad, they’d maybe turn on the outed sociopath child in shame and try to look angelic.

Everything bad that their children became is the child’s fault. Everything good they became, they will take credit for.

So, yes, often they do kill themselves.

Because the highest suicide rate of any mental illness is NPD/ASPD.

They don’t feel guilt.

He didn’t even succeed and it destroyed something in me.

And…they’re rapists, stalkers, child abusers, animal abusers, racists themselves.

My father, I’m near certain, raped my sister. And their relationship was always fraught—she was golden to my mother and scapegoat to him, but I was his invisible child and scapegoat to my mother. As long as I’ve known her, she’s said she felt no love towards him.

But…when he attempted suicide and I called her, her response was, “No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He can’t do this. How dare he. I can’t have his blood on my hands….”

Delusion and denial are not metaphors about their mental state. They are very literal.

His suicide would make her either suicidal herself…OR MURDEROUS.

The highest suicide attempt rates are considered to be borderlines, because we’re self harming and our baseline is feeling suicidal since childhood.

That’s what unprocessed despair does.

Then….

If she does it…

A part of me died when he showed his true pain and how easily he could fully abandon me and leave me with the wreckage.

It’s like a fragile ecosystem. A dead coral reef kills more than just coral.

BUT…don’t think their suicides don’t maim innocent people who love them.

I’m confident I’ll never love anyone, or be as hurt by anyone, as I have been by her. But I forgive her everything now. I understand what made us. And I get why we can’t ever be close, loving sisters.

All sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopaths: it’s different levels of extreme on the spectrum due to different levels of child trauma.

NO! They’re innocent and perfect, of course!

Oh wait. Yeah, that’s exactly what sociopathy is. And we all get to suffer for it. 🫤

Yes and no.

They commit suicide when they have a narcissistic collapse. It’s a mental breakdown. If they survive a collapse, they rage after and hurt someone to project the shame of it.

Because cluster b’s are the highest suicide rate.

But narcissists become suicidal in a collapse and they have higher success rates.

It’s often even men who people perceive were NEVER DEPRESSED.